Upon Gazing Out a Train Window

My eyes
my whole Being
a live camera
with no film
to record or to remember
the thousands of trees
the vast dirt fields
the stubble
the long-ago-fallen trees.
Sunlight sprinkles itself
over the surfaces of
winding waterways.

No film to show
only my Body
recording
the land
the furrows of
the fields the gray
clouds
The platinum
glow of our sun.

My eyes
approve.
My Body
has it.

Elizabeth Morana

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

This Hurts!

Photo Credit: AdobeStock

The Wholebody Focusing  Blog  seems to have expanded and has become more inclusive as it awakens the stories of other participants who share experiences of themselves so powerfully. Several stories have touched me deeply as they further validate my own story of myself. In fact, there have been surprising expanded new directions and new possibilities for me to be open to! (Look for another posting about what feels so unsatisfying at another date!)

One was a story of a generational trauma passed on from one family to the next, based on faulty belief systems that have been so destructive to healthy living for generations.

Another explores the power of the ‘Pause’ as a way to stop and fully appreciate what is there and to give it the space it needs to expand and complete itself more fully. 

In my own story in this recording, I explore the experience of pain. The reality of the moment is that it hurts. It is as simple as that and yet my tendency is to try to understand it or do something with it. Anything but actually open up to and accept it. In fact, I block it.  I seem to want to cut off the experience itself and go to a place to try to do something about it rather than let it do something in its own bodily wisdom! 

In this recording, I am sharing a very concrete moment of an event in me that hurts! I suspect everyone has those moments and could say simply, this hurts!  But we often don’t.  We don’t just stop there, and pause, and give it the space it needs to be aware of itself. We seem to need to react! Why?

I invite you to hear my story and see if it resonates with something that is familiar to you, both as a story of a painful situation and the habit that comes right there as a way of “dealing” with it. Before I can even ask myself how it is—I react!! The experience itself has been denied and I have moved on to that part of me that is essentially reactive!

My story of This Hurts may open up new possibilities that offer something else for you to ponder. Please make room for what comes in you and mark it and maybe even share that.

Kevin

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Do You Not See Them?

tilting trees
Photo Credit: Elizabeth Morana

There is an invisible world and a kingdom of spirits: that world is round us, for it is everywhere; and those spirits watch us, for they are commissioned to guard us; and if we were dying in pain and shame, if scorn smote us on all sides, and hatred crushed us, angels see our tortures, recognize our innocence.  — Charlotte Bronte

There is a kingdom of spirits that protects you.  Do you not see them?   –Charlotte Bronte

I wish I could see them—the spirits, the angels that surround us, waiting, longing to help us. I believe—with my mind—that there are such things; it’s consistent with the great saying God is Love which, I’m told, can be found in the gospel of John.  I’m not a big follower of the bible, and I’m not a believer in the creeds of the world’s great religions.  But I do believe in Divine Love—that It’s all around us, and available to us.

I can’t see the ‘angels’ that could easily be around me—around each of us—waiting to help us in our struggles, or perhaps wave some of that fairy dust off their wings onto our aching hearts—at least, most of the time I can’t see them.  I’ll admit that sometimes I do have a sense of the Love around me.  It’s just that it disappears so easily.

Continue reading Do You Not See Them?

Deep Hunger, the “Not Knowing” and Wholebody Focusing

A few years ago, I was experiencing chronic anxiety due to a stressful situation at work. My body was deeply affected.  My blood pressure, heart rate and diabetes markers were all higher than normal.  I relied on my focusing practice to help me.  In a Wholebody focusing session, a wordless felt sense of anxiety transformed into a sensation of me experiencing my own birth.  As I exited the birth canal, I felt free from the anxiety that I had been experiencing.  A new understanding emerged about how my body experienced anxiety.

dreamstime_m_34661935
Photo Credit: Dreamstime

Continue reading Deep Hunger, the “Not Knowing” and Wholebody Focusing

Beginning a Wholebody Focusing Practice

I’m envisioning a Daily Practice in Wholebody Focusing:  to embody and sustain that sense of Me-Here as a body-sense of my Self as the foundation place—an Inner-Directed Experience of who I am and what I want to do.

Over the years, it has become clear to me that we seem to desire to start with an Intunement, to begin to have a fresh sense of ourselves as a Wholebody Focusing experience—to get in touch with what might be there in us right now.

How am I? What is going on right now? How can I make room for that? –that kind of attention. We seem to need some kind of solid grounding, something that we can hold onto, to allow those kinds of questions to emerge.

We usually start with some form of an Intunement to find that place in us that awakens what naturally wants to come alive and to inform us about ourselves and what is happening when it feels safe enough to do so!

It works when we can do this, and a sense of gratitude often follows when we spend time with ourselves in this way. It also initiates a relationship—it is not just a thought, it is an experience of me and something out there, a not-me, that together awakens a sense of feeling alive to myself beyond stuck-me! Continue reading Beginning a Wholebody Focusing Practice

Pauses Big and Small

This past week I had my first class with Addie van der Kooy and Cecilia Clegg called “Practicing Presence.”   I came away from that workshop with some homework—pause and find your grounded presence whenever you can even if you are just waiting for the kettle to boil.  The experience of these pauses helped me learn so much about myself.

One task I needed to do was to put together my bookcases that I had dismantled when the painters came to freshen up my apartment. For months I’ve been promising myself I would make some sense out of the mess so I could actually find a book I might want.

I began sorting my books into piles. I paused to be with all the categories looking for meaning.  The first thing I noticed was how many journals I had.  Even though writers are supposed to be people who wrote in journals all their lives, I never thought of myself as a journal writer.  I found 11 full journals.  Who knew?  They are mostly from extended trips abroad and times of strife.  This was the first big pause.  I stopped to sense into “Who was this person who wrote in journals and what did she write about?”  There were texts of prose, letters to angels, dreams, schedules, poetry and many different types of art—painting, drawing, collage, and textile design.

I paused with each journal in my hands.  I found the text below in a journal I had written when I was struggling with cancer and my relationship with my mother.

The Rage Temple has Gone out of Business

You have rage that’s too dangerous to express?
Open up an account with me. 
Just tell me your problem
And I’ll deposit it in my body.

And when my body explodes with rage
We are sorry.
Now these Temple doors are closed for good.
How long will it take to empty the inventory?

I had these journals. I never read them. I didn’t remember writing them.  I didn’t remember me.  A pause changed that.  The pause got me to open the journals and remember the me who wrote them.

The next pause helped me notice what books I have been reading.  There were a large number of books about all sorts of energy healing, diet, health, wellness, etc. There’s a considerable number of books about Focusing and WBF.  There are also books about Reiki, Flower Essence Therapy and Homeopathy.  These are all practices that are now as normal to me as breathing.  I paused with the books and I sensed how I loved learning about these modalities and how they have saved me and helped me move toward my highest and greatest good.

The next pause that came was around artistic endeavors. There are books on crochet, drawing, creating Flash cartoons, dance, poetry, and feminist literary criticism.  As I was putting some odd books away, I paused again.  Where should I put my bound copy of the Master’s thesis?  It is study of two Spanish women writers who wrote about breaking free, or not, of their patriarchal limitations. They do this through writing self-begetting novels about women who read Fascist romance novels as children and are trying to create new structures for novels about women’s lives. It suddenly occurred to me that my thesis should go with the other books of feminist literary criticism.  Some of these books were quoted in my work.  Rather than being just an activity that I did to graduate, I could understand now that this work is a companion to the other books of feminist literary criticism that I had.

Each time I paused, I felt more like myself.  I felt more appreciation for who I am, the struggles I’ve survived and the beauty I created along the way.   This is an appreciation I had never felt before because I was always too busy trying to change myself to be something or someone “better.”  Instead, I now know that this treasure trove of information about me is readily available and that whenever I pause and hold space with equal regard for what is there, something new about me will emerge.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

It is What it Is!

Painting by Kevin McEvenue

It Is What It Is!

I would like to do something new, something that speaks from my direct experience of something that is coming to me that I would like to share with you. I would like to begin by saying a few things about what I would like to share and if you are interested in exploring this topic, you can click on the audio recording to hear my direct experience of this particular subject matter that may be of interest to both of us.

The phrase in this session that has triggered something more for me comes to me in this way: “It is what it is.”

This kind of saying has been repeating itself over and over again and maybe it will get some attention because obviously it seems important for me to hear it. And, of course, I have a question: what does this phrase, “It is what it is” mean to me? And perhaps what does this phrase “It is what it is” mean for you.

It is my belief–or trust–that if I speak directly from my experience as something felt, rather than just understood, you may feel a connection between us that feels different and perhaps a little unusual. Particularly if you resist trying to understand what is being said but just feel it or just “take it in”!  What I have been exploring is that when we share something meaningful, that feels real and true and alive in me, something can happen in you too! Often the energy in that way of sharing is palpable.

In focusing terminology, you might describe this as a felt sense to felt sense connecting in a heartfelt way. Something in me that feels alive in me awakens something in you that feels alive and may touch you. It is clearly an inner experience of yourself because of this connection happening between us. This is the kind of sharing I would like to explore with you and see if what is being shared on this topic resonates with something in you as well.

The phrase, “it is what it is” perhaps is very familiar. It’s a phrase, a series of words. But I would like to pause and let those words be felt inside me, deliberately pausing and stepping back a little so that these words have the space they need to awaken to their own sense of themselves as though they can have a life of their own.

It begins with a thought, but if I step back a little and come back to that place in me that has a sense of “me here” something more can awaken and perhaps take on a life of its own beyond thought; become more, an “experience” that I feel inside me suddenly. This is what I want to demonstrate today. I will start by just saying these words, “it is what it is,” and then wait and see what comes inside me physically—physically connecting to these words.

If you are still curious, please continue and click on the audio and join me here. See what comes—or I should say—notice what comes in me and then maybe in you, that resonates mutually each in our own ways.

Yes, maybe make room for what feels like a surprise or unexpected and yet very connected to your own life, separate from mine. And mark that.  Mark what came as something that is wants to be noticed in you, in your life, and maybe share that with others in some way.

Kevin McEvenue

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Wholebody Focusing and Zen Buddhism

Fusako Nakamura is a long-time Wholebody Focuser who experiences an essential connection between her spiritual practice of Zen Buddhism and Wholebody Focusing.  On the evening of the filming of this video, a monk from the local Buddhist temple came to chant at her door just as we were about to start filming.  We get to hear his chant as part of the video and feel the integration of Fusako’s spirituality and WBF practice in real time.

What she shares with us is how the importance in Zen Buddhism of honoring ancestors is enlivened by her Wholebody focusing practice.  Please enjoy the aliveness in Fusako’s spiritual practice and how Heartfelt Conversation helps her to feel connected to others and allows her to feel less lonely.

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.