We are so happy you have arrived. We thank all of you who have participated in reading, commenting, liking, sharing, and writing for our blog. The blog was created to provide the Wholebody Focusing Community with an open, online place to participate in a Heartfelt Conversation.
Who we are:
This blog started in December 2017. It was created by Wholebody focusers who have studied with Kevin McEvenue and/or Karen Whalen. Some of us are also working on building the First International Wholebody Focusing Retreat in Barrie, On, Canada in August 2018. We started this process because we saw a need in our own lives for a way to stay connected to the Wholebody Focusing and Heartfelt Conversation practices that we have learned. This blog is part of a coordinated effort to create sustainable resources to help WBFers connect with each other and have multiple ways to keep our shared conversation moving forward. We are very lucky to have the guidance of Kevin McEvenue, the founder of Wholebody Focusing, as our mentor and prime enthusiast. He frequently replies to a post when something in it moves him.
There are no financial interests or ads involved. No one is selling anything and participation from Wholebody focusers is welcomed and encouraged.
This blog has the multi-media capacity to give focusers a chance to use any means of expression to communicate with other focusers. We have posts in prose, poetry, as podcasts, photos, paintings and videos. We are seeking participants who are interested in joining us in this co-creation process as a record of what we do. Moreover, we offer this blog as a way of having conversations about our practice.
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YongWei Xu lives in a small village, Wu Xi, outside of Shanghai, China. She has been studying Wholebody Focusing with Karen Whalen and her team since 2009. YongWei talks about how WBF has helped her to stop over-thinking her decisions. Her new ability to connect to the physical body and pay attention to physical symptoms, like tense shoulders, helps her connect to her emotions. Instead of running from one goal to another, she pauses to be with what each goal means to her. This process brings her to the question “Is this the life I really want?”
For YongWei, Heartfelt Conversation is “not just a little chat… It really comes from my heart.” It is the way that she and her friends feel united with each other and it helps her to feel less lonely.
In her small village, YongWei teaches Wholebody Focusing. What her friends, her group and her clients learn is a WBF lifestyle to support their daily life. The focusing community provides a warm place to use their curiosity to explore new things about themselves and each other together.
YongWei also offers us a New Year’s wish that, if you have not already learned focusing, you have an opportunity to learn. This will help you have more fun and happiness in your life.
Bruna Blandino and Rosa Catoio, two Italian Wholebody focusers, met to discuss how Wholebody focusing and Heartfelt Conversation has changed their lives. Rather than being who society and their families want them to be, Wholebody focusing and Heartfelt Conversation has given them a mechanism to live more fully in their own truth. Watch their video to hear how this has come about.
I have been reflecting on how what has been shared—in this kind of Heartfelt Communication with one another—has felt so good for me. I’m thinking of the recent sense of connection that speaks from direct experience that has awakened something in each of the lives that are giving voice—or describing—their direct experience of something real and something worthwhile for them to communicate with themselves and to share with each other.
I remember that I would often say, “That touches me. Your words—or your voice—touches me deeply.”
So I’m wondering, what do I mean by that? What does that mean? “What you share here touches me deeply.” And I can feel that right now. In my heart. In my belly. In my thighs. It’s a kind of warmth, a kind of loving and a kind of wanting that seems to touch a kind of an awakening of a desire in me that’s already there.
It’s not that desire of ‘you have something that I want’ and perhaps can never have, or feel kind of jealous in some way, or I’ll try to make it happen too—that kind of familiar response.
No—this is something deeper. It awakens the desire in me that is already…desirable.
Yeah. I know that place. I love that place. And you remind me of this place that I have in me too. It may be similar to the story—connected to your story. But it’s clearly very much my own. My own so much that I appreciate that you have given me something back to me—to my life—because you have shared something from your life. And I feel so grateful to you for bringing me back to me and what I desire so much in myself that feels supported in that heartfelt desire. That’s already emerging. That’s already happening. That’s already moving in that direction.
Maybe it has happened to you, too, that small secret moment of intimacy with a non-human creature. It’s a powerful experience yet easily dismissed by the mind. The one I want to tell you about happened on a trail in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada in northern California. It is a rocky, spare place, steep and windswept and intensely alive. High on a ridge above a mountain lake, the trail weaves among pines and Douglas Fir growing singly or in small groups, huddled around granite boulders. On a hot late September afternoon, their combined scent rose like incense; the air was charged with it. I walked briskly, enjoying the vigorous motion and the give of the trail surface, changing from rock to needles to bare earth to patches of coarse grasses. I became keenly aware of an added dimension, the arrangement of bodies in the middle distance, so often lost in our habitual focus on panoramic views. I mean by that the sense of my body mass relative to trees and boulders, the way trees stood in twos or threes or alone; a pine and boulder together; or the way the boughs formed a screen so that only slivers of blue were visible, and then suddenly parted to allow a full view of distant peaks. My steps slowed to a walk as I absorbed this new pleasure. My hand reached to touch the furry patch of lichen on a granite boulder, the deep furrow of Douglas Fir bark. I put my arms around a Jeffrey Pine, maybe my age in pine years, glowing deep red in the late afternoon light. I laid my cheek against the bark and was enveloped in a light, sweet aroma, like vanilla, very different from the more pungent “conifer” fragrance that rose from the forest as a whole. (I read later that pines, and especially Jeffrey Pines, are unique among North American conifers in distilling this vanilla-like scent.) There we stood for a long while, the pine and I, in a timeless embrace of arms and branches, skin and bark, one breath.
In her book, “The Legacy of Luna”, activist Julia Butterfly Hill describes her relationship with the giant redwood in whose canopy she lived for more than two years in order to save it from being logged. Hill is positive that Luna knew Hill was there to save it, and gave her support in its tree-ish way. Similarly, with my arms around the pine, I felt very strongly, from the tree, a wave of – encouragement? Support? Was the pine hugging me back? These are human terms and they don’t quite fit. I felt that the pine and the land it sprang from were holding me up, wanted me to continue my work to save the Peace Valley in my home province of British Columbia from being dammed. I was being offered a gift – an experience of joy and unity, and something more: confirmation, confidence and strength to persevere in my work. Joy and gratitude buoyed me as I walked back to the cabin.
I offer a moment-to-moment description of a grounded presence experience that I had with a deer as we both walked through the woods. This example highlights an important Wholebody Focusing practice–holding a “we” space for partners. It also shows how we can have a “we” space with any other sentient being and how both of us are impacted by the relational space they create together.
There he was, Mr. Deer, quietly but unexpectedly just over there. In fact, he was just beyond the clearing of the forest as I began my own walk. I was taking a break from a training that wasn’t going well for me. I wanted to enjoy a walk in the forest to find a grounded sense of myself again.
That is when it happened, that encounter with Mr. Deer. It seemed to startle both of us so unexpectedly. It was a surprise, yes, and startling? Maybe for a split second we both knew that something felt different here and so we seemed to pause and take in the moment with curiosity. It was that pause that seemed to change everything because we both took some space to take in what might be happening that felt so different from what we were used to. What was that? What made us stop and take a moment to become aware of the something that felt new here?
I can’t speak for Mr. Deer. He has his own sense of what was happening in him. For me, as a reflective human creature that I am, I realized I was in a good place. Usually I walk through a forest without really taking much in. But this time I felt differently. I was enjoying this moment of peace and enjoying myself in this wooded environment.
Many of us who are Wholebody Focusers have learned concepts and practices from many other modalities. In a workshop many years ago, I learned about the concept of “heart’s desire.” The practice I was taught in this workshop was to silently wish yourself your heart’s desire and then silently wish those around you their heart’s desire. We also learned that a true heart’s desire can only be for our highest and greatest good.
I live in New York City and take public transportation so I have ample opportunities to live this practice. It has helped me learn so many things. First, I struggled to remember to wish myself my heart’s desire. It would be ten minutes of concentrating on others before I remembered myself. Then mentioning me felt quite “selfish.” Eventually, it took less and less time to remember me and wishing myself my heart’s desire gave me a surge of energy.
Then I noticed how judgmental I was. I vowed to wish everyone in my subway car or bus their heart’s desire but I felt negative feelings coming about some people. I had to recognize that harsh part of myself that is so critical. Often the criticism would be about someone’s hairstyle or clothing but it also showed up when people seemed different from me too. My practice became noticing what came for me when I thought about wishing a particular person their heart’s desire. I would acknowledge what was there and let it go. When I added the wish for that person, my heart and the criticism would soften. It also helped me be with how all that criticism that emerged was really about me. This practice helped me be with both the wish to generate love for others along with a fierce need to separate myself through criticism of others. I needed hold those parts with equal regard. This eventually has led to much less criticism for myself and for unsuspected random citizens of NYC.