Wholebody focusing demonstrates the power of consciousness alive in possibility. It invites a connection between me and a part of me. Once I sense the connection is there between us, I invite it to awaken to its own awareness of itself. Something it can’t do without me.
Eyes Wide Open is a major shift in perception. A very significant and powerful belief: how I can’t see, mustn’t see, and how limiting that has been for me.
Many of us suffer this kind of eye dis-function, a dysfunction that has been there—only to get worse, not better! I could have just talked about an issue like how it is to be short-sighted, for example. But here I do something very different! I don’t talk about it; I live into the experience of how it is right now!
Eyes Wide Open
I allow myself to come alive to this experience for all to see me in the way I suffer it. I have been haunted by these words, “eyes wide open,” for some time. How that is—a suffering accepted as almost normal. In this session I ask myself, “what is happening?” I pause to wait and see what wants to come. At first it brings me back to how it was; and then—unexpectedly—how it also awakens something new that begins to flow.
Wholebody focusing demonstrates the power of consciousness alive in possibility. It invites a connection between me and a part of me. Once I sense the connection is there between us, I invite it to awaken to its own awareness of itself. Something it can’t do without me.
Notice what happens when we invite this part to awaken to the history of its suffering from its own perspective. When we invite a relationship to emerge between us now, something new can happen that couldn’t without our active participation.
In this session something begins to be moved that feels fresh. First the awareness of how it has been so stuck, but then something else begins to emerge beyond that! And that feels good and yet uncomfortable in its newness. Fear and apprehension appear…I don’t know…I don’t know what to do. I can’t see!
But then I hear a gentle soft voice in the background, saying; “Kevin, open your eyes and see. Open your eyes.”
Eyes wide open…there it is! It keeps coming back. It keeps coming back until I stop and pay attention. This is just how it works.
Something shifts when the panic is awakened. Something very powerful is activated at the same time. My hands strongly connect with my thighs. It feels like an anchor.
Gene Gendlin asks: “How are you, Kevin?” And I say: “I am just fine, thank you!”
In this video, I will ask myself the same question and then I will pause and notice what comes. “I am just fine, aren’t I?”
Laughter! I feel laughter inside that feels more like a challenge than a question as my body begins to awaken and move spontaneously. I become aware—the world outside, the weight of gravity, the floor, the sitting bones, my feet.
Yes, what comes is a kind of twisted humor, to hear: “I am just fine!” Also, confusion—because I know I’m not. Like a split going on inside me. One that feels true and the other false and confused.
Also wondering, what do I do now?! My body is obviously doing something–expanding in some way, but also feeling uncomfortable and confused. What to do?
Suddenly there is a shift. Very intense. My body feels so alive. My eyes are wide open, a child’s eyes. Full of wonder, exploring with unconditional curiosity! Just taking in—no thought.
Then I notice all those paintings around me. How I love pictures; they tell stories, like a doorway into a deeper world beyond me. A word comes—connections. That’s it! That is what I want. I want to connect! I pause to let it be more aware of itself.
But something else comes too: panic, confusion. I don’t know how! I want to and I don’t know how to! So much anxiety surfaces wanting attention.
Very familiar when asked this question, how are you? I say without thinking, I am just fine. Because that is what is expected of me, that I am fine. That is what wants to be heard. And I want to feel the peace in that too. To be just fine, connected, but I know I am not!
Something shifts when the panic is awakened. Something very powerful is activated at the same time. My hands strongly connect with my thighs. It feels like an anchor. I feel ME and it feels so good! Felt with such conviction. I feel myself; yes! That’s it!
It feels like an apt moment to invite you to our next Pause for Presence gathering on Saturday June 5th. We are moving towards the Summer Solstice and if we let Nature be just as it is, the new life of Spring will naturally mature into the fullness and bounty of the earth.
And in this gathering too, you are invited to let your body be just as it is so it can awaken more fully to its own aliveness and guide you into the underlying energy field of spacious, life-giving Presence – a dimension in you that is always alive, at peace and undisturbed.
This gathering is an opportunity for you to come to rest in that field of Presence within and around you and to allow yourself to be held and nourished. Being together in this way with others creates a palpable energy field of group Presence which allows you to experience Presence in a much deeper way than if you were on your own.
The format of the gathering is simple. After brief guidance, there will be time to silently rest in Presence in whatever way feels right for you. There will also be time for any heartfelt sharing that may want to happen.
The details:
Time and date: Saturday 5thJune from 4 pm to 5.45 pm BST (British Summer Time).
Venue: Zoom video conferencing platform. If you have no experience with Zoom, please let Cecelia know for necessary guidance.
Fee: £20 (by bank transfer) or £22 (by Paypal which includes £2 Paypal fee). It includes a free audio-recording of the guided sessions.
Recently I have noticed my reaction when something stops working for me that is typically so quickly done it is almost automatic–like signing into a much-used app. Since I spend so much time online, I usually face things that sometimes show up as obstacles. Today, I signed into Zoom to start my session with Kevin McEvenue, and Zoom said my password is incorrect.
Something Stops Working, and I Start Worrying
After typing in my password many times, several narratives quickly came to the forefront of my consciousness.
“This is Zoom forcing me to change my password.
“I am losing my mind because I have typed this password every day for years.”
“Kevin will be impatient with me for not signing on in time.”
“It will take me 10 minutes to change the password.”
“I hate being late.”
“I have to warn Kevin, so he won’t think I’m irresponsible.”
“Kevin will think badly of me for being late.”
Once I sent Kevin an email, I paused and held space for all that was there. A simple inability to sign into an app brought all these feelings into consciousness. It felt compelling to acknowledge this. It also opened me to a new solution. Since Kevin sent me the link, I didn’t have to sign in. I could click on the link he sent, and the app would open.
I Find My Way
When I connected to Kevin, we worked through all the narratives that arose from the inability to sign in to Zoom. There is the arbitrariness of how apps function. I am often baffled by how apps change to meet the needs of newer generations of users. If something I usually do causes me distress, I wonder if my brain is failing. Then the shame comes. Why can’t I be as efficient as I think I am? How did it happen that I am late for my session? What will be the impact of not functioning at total capacity on my relationship with partners or participants?
Fortunately, it was Kevin that was on the other side of the camera. We took time to be with all of these narratives. What came for me was how the narratives are related to my background feeling of “there is something wrong with me.” I had a chance to hold space for this complicated felt sense simply because I could not complete a well-known repetitive task. Then it dawned on me that this was a great opportunity.
Each time I can make a choice. I can indulge in the “something is wrong with me.” or I can hold space with equal regard for it and allow it to find its own way. What happened when I worked with Kevin was that by letting “something is wrong with me” pass through my body, I came to the point of “something stopped working for me.” This statement leaves so many unknown opportunities for healing to occur.
Suggested Readings
I suggest reading Kevin’s article Wholebody Focusing: Life Lived in the Moment. He talks about how Wholebody Focusing evolved, and the first time he connected to his inner self. It is an excellent read to help one see how habitual experiences can develop into openings. Kevin talks about how holding space for a felt sense can give us “several options for living my life more fully beyond what I already knew.”
My response to the locked password was to go into a hyper-problem solving mode motivated by fear of criticism and failure to meet some standard that I think everyone shares. By being compassionate with all that came, something new emerged. I heard, “something stopped working for me.” At that moment, I felt very joyful and free of the earlier narrative voices.
I look forward to being aware of how I react when something stops working for me. I pause, and hold space for what is there. I ask for support and wait to see what comes.
In this gathering, you are invited to be with yourself in such an accepting way that your body can begin to open up and guide you “into this vast awesome field of spacious Presence”.
“If you can live in your body and not reject any of it, you will be guided into discovery of your own wisdom and Nature’s wisdom, guided into this vast awesome field of spacious Presence”
– Late Ed McMahon, co-founder Bio-Spiritual Focusing
With Nature springing into new colourful growth all around us (at least here in the Northern hemisphere), it feels like a perfect time to invite you to our next monthly on-line Pause for Presence gathering on Saturday April 24th.
In this gathering (slightly longer than usual) you are invited to be with yourself in such an accepting way that your body can begin to open up and guide you – as Ed McMahon describes above – “into this vast awesome field of spacious Presence”. This dimension of Presence in you is always alive, at peace and unperturbed by what is going on.
In previous gatherings we have called it “the underlying energy field of living Presence” – a sense of the aliveness felt within the body and around you as a field of Presence that constantly holds and resources you.
The idea of these gatherings is for you to come to rest in this energy field of Presence within and around you and to allow yourself to feel held and nourished. Being together in this way with others creates a palpable energy field of group Presence which allows you to experience Presence in a much deeper way than if you were on your own.
The format of the gathering is simple. After brief guidance, there will be plenty of time to silently come to rest in Presence. There will also be time for any heartfelt sharing that may want to happen.
The details:
Time and date: Saturday 24th April from 4 pm to 5.45 pm BST (British Summer Time).
Venue: Zoom video conferencing platform. If you have no experience with Zoom, please let Cecelia know for necessary guidance.
Fee: £20 (by bank transfer) or £22 (by Paypal which includes £2 Paypal fee). It includes a free audio-recording of the guided sessions.
I am trying to describe a moment in our lives that stands out. What it might feel like when it happens? And to know the difference?
The Living Truth is what I hear when I play back this recording once again! It seems impossible to fit words to this experience. It is something that feels so totally alive—but it feels momentary, and then it’s gone. That is how it seems to work!
I am trying to describe such a moment and I feel very inadequate to put words to this experience. It is so powerful, so palpable, and so true beyond words. This is what I yearn for in life. I am asking for it right here, right now, right in this moment.
How could that be framed as a desire? How can I invite my body to have this…..as a desire?…… like a prayer? This is what I am asking…..and at the same time being with the not-knowing…the how of it!
I am trying to describe a moment in our lives that stands out. What it might feel like when it happens? And to know the difference?
I have had such moments. That is all I can say. These are moments that felt so true that they have never left me and I suspect never will. They are engraved in me. That is just how it is!
So bear with me as I stumble through the attempt to describe something that is so vital and so far-reaching in its implications. The living truth!
We can allow a sense of desiring to become so much more than expected—even pleasurable. I asked myself: “how am I right now?” This time, something playful and unfamiliar seemed to emerge. At first there was the immediate tension in the throat, neck, and jaw followed by a familiar feeling of ‘resistance’.
The Resistance and Resilience of the Pleasurable
But something new emerged at the same time. It was vague and it sounded like the word…’resilience‘ It had a new energy that seemed different from the familiar resistance. Almost the opposite—or maybe complimentary—coming from the same source and yet vaguely different. It seemed softer and didn’t trigger the usual tension that immediately stops the flow. In fact, my toes began to flex! I was surprised and I liked it.
And it aroused my curiosity. I decided to play with the words—resistance and then resilience, and just notice what happens.
In Wholebody Focusing, we pause to hold the two—two different words that seem worlds apart. Holding both with equal positive regard.
But that was not what happened today. Both words seemed to be vaguely connected at the source, even the sounding of the words felt poetic. They seemed to want to dance with one another. As though there was something in it for both. Different ways of being, worlds apart and yet…
Mutual Benefit
Today I began to wonder; can these parts benefit from one another in this kind of mutual connection? Like a gentle curiosity that might be mutually supportive, maybe even complimentary or collaborative rather than divisive and combative?
Today, this part of me—the part of me that resists anything new as threatening—behaved differently. it seemed drawn to the warm and pleasing nature of the activity inherent in resilience.
It seemed as if the proximity of the two awakened a kind of collaborative possibility implicit between them. I saw my human consciousness as a light so that they could discover one another, perhaps looking for something mutually satisfying in this moment of connection.
I want to get lost in the other worlds around us. I’m talking about the worlds we walk by and seldom see or hear. Our attention lately is frequently drawn to the larger picture–the health crisis we share with the rest of the world along with the political and financial upheaval. How can we find a way to go on vacation from the Big Picture?
What Other Worlds?
I was in Flaming Gorge National Recreation Area in Wyoming a while back with some friends. They were ambitious and wanted to hike up a mountain. I wasn’t interested. So I found a rock on which to sit overlooking the Gorge. It was a sunny day and this was a gravely overlook. Siting on a rock looking over the gorge meant that there were no humans, cars, airplanes or anything else with a motor anywhere in sight. This was my first experience with other worlds.
Insect Worlds Around Us
The silence felt like my ears were relaxing. Nothing to pay attention to, or so I thought. As my body relaxed, I started to I enjoy the silence and the calm. Then, I began to hear a crunching sound. It sounded like someone walking over gravel. I waited and listened. No person or animal in sight. Out of the corner of my eye I saw movement. Then I didn’t see it. The movement was in rhythm with the crunching sound. I looked down and saw a team of unidentifiable insects walking across the sand in front of me. Was I really hearing the sound of insects walking?
Barbara’s Plant Worlds. Photo Credit: Barbara Fotta
While I was contemplating the walking insects, something flew past me. I was sure it was a large bird but no bird appeared. I began to hear the sound of something flying from a distance and listened as it came closer. Once again I realized it was an insect! Then, more insects buzzed by like airplanes on a recognizance mission.
What occurred to me was, that as I sat in this location that was completely devoid of the human noise, my body reorganized itself to be part of the world that is hidden by human sounds. I felt very privileged that I had this time to learn that there is so much more life around me. My ability to hear the insects helped me understand that we have layers of perception. Some layers are so loud they block out others. “Civilization” makes sentient beings that exist around us mostly out of our range of perception. When we allow these energy patterns into our awareness, we expand.
The Plant Worlds Around Us
My friend, Barbara Fotta, in one of focusing sessions, spoke about her walks through a cemetery in Pittsburgh as a place of calm. Here is her description of her experience.
I love wandering through cemetery parks. I have fond childhood memories of adventuring in the cemeteries near my house with my brother. Since then, I never fail to find refuge and solace there. The cemeteries feel sacred and quiet and weeping is allowed. Combine that with the natural wonder of trees and shrubs and a cloudy sky and I’m in heaven. There is something about seeing clouds that can shift my mood dramatically. They can take my breath away. And I am unquestionably a tree huger to the core! So living in Pittsburgh is a blessing because we have an abundance of both here.
What we Learn from Other Worlds
Deni’s Plant Worlds. Photo Credit: Deni Tessarolo
Nature shows us that it exists and keeps on functioning according to long established processes whether humans recognize it or not. Insects continue to be insects and can even take some time out of their busy day to check out a human sitting on a rock. It makes me think about how nature photographers find that the animals they photograph often come and crawl all over them.
It is known that cells of plants communicate with each other across species for each’s mutual benefit. These ecosystems surround us no matter if we live in a crowded city or the countryside. When the lock down started in Italy, Deni Tessarolo was limited to staying within 200 meters of her home in the small town of Marostica. She described how she spent time learning to appreciate her garden and how that relationship supported her. She wrote:
This time helped me to discover the expansive effects on my body that contemplating the beauty of the flowers initiated and how the act of looking at them filled me with wonder by opening a space of time where I could rest.
For Barbara walking through the cemetery…
The cemetery I walk in almost daily is atop a hill, full of trees and a panoramic view of the sky that has me turning in circles to admire all the sights. I feel cradled in its arms. It is where I first experienced a deep sense of the beauty of all things. Sometimes I try to capture what I see with my phone’s camera. I thought that then I could hold onto it in some way. Then the realization came that nothing of real value is ever lost. The essential matter is the capacity to see the beauty that is always here and everywhere whenever I’m willing to let go of my guardedness and open to it. I aspire to have my feet on the ground and my head in the clouds like a tree!
Otherworld. Photo Credit: Barbara Fotta
For me, sitting on the top of a gorge, I learned something that has stayed with me for life. My surroundings impact my perception in any given moment, as well as my willingness to notice, and the forces of energy around me. Many things obfuscate my ability to perceive the fullness of my experience. In any situation, I might ask myself “what is here that I do not perceive,” then I wait for it to show itself to me.
Otherworld Vacations
I invite everyone to reconnect to or to find their own personal otherworld vacation and share your stories with this blog. It will help us to remember that we are part something much larger than ourselves. We can also observe how these ecosystems communicate and mutually support each other. There are things we can learn from this–we are part of this system; and enjoy its benefits. We also have a responsibility to create mutually-beneficial environments for all sentient beings.
yourself in such an accepting way that your body can begin to open up and guide you – as Ed McMahon describes above – “into this vast awesome field of spacious Presence”. This dimension of Presence in you is always alive, at peace and unperturbed by what is going on.
Presence within and around you and to allow yourself to feel held and nourished. Being together in this way with others creates a palpable energy field of group Presence which allows you to experience Presence in a much deeper way than if you were on your own.
