A situation happened recently that felt so uncomfortable that I couldn’t leave it alone. I just had to address it and so I did. It was a very familiar event—having dinner with somebody or a group of people and walking away feeling so unsatisfied, hating every moment of it.
In fact, I realized I could kvetch for days and I would still remain unsatisfied. This time, I did something quite different. I paused and found a safe place to ask my body what was so unsatisfying here? And when I could pause like that, I could feel my body appreciating the question and it felt very present in a different way than the usual chatter of thinking about something I don’t like, and why!
This is what came, being with that kind of ‘background feeling’ at a dinner gathering where I came away feeling so very unsatisfied wondering why, again! What came was a real surprise and left me feeling in a very different place!
Join me here and see what comes for you in this kind of situation where you’re feeling either uncomfortable or more—unsatisfied.
Actually, they might feel slightly different. Feeling unsatisfied often points to the possibility of what it would feel like to feel fully satisfied. Feeling uncomfortable seems more like doing something, like making a list about what to do about it, but not necessarily point to something that could change the body experience, more like a quick fix to get rid of that feeling.
In this recording, I discover something very different as a possibility I never dreamed of.
The Wholebody FocusingBlogseems to have expanded and has become more inclusive as it awakens the stories of other participants who share experiences of themselves so powerfully. Several stories have touched me deeply as they further validate my own story of myself. In fact, there have been surprising expanded new directions and new possibilities for me to be open to! (Look for another posting about what feels so unsatisfying at another date!)
One was a story of a generational trauma passed on from one family to the next, based on faulty belief systems that have been so destructive to healthy living for generations.
Another explores the power of the ‘Pause’ as a way to stop and fully appreciate what is there and to give it the space it needs to expand and complete itself more fully.
In my own story in this recording, I explore the experience of pain. The reality of the moment is that it hurts. It is as simple as that and yet my tendency is to try to understand it or do something with it. Anything but actually open up to and accept it. In fact, I block it.I seem to want to cut off the experience itself and go to a place to try to do something about it rather than let it do something in its own bodily wisdom!
In this recording, I am sharing a very concrete moment of an event in me that hurts! I suspect everyone has those moments and could say simply, this hurts!But we often don’t.We don’t just stop there, and pause, and give it the space it needs to be aware of itself. We seem to need to react! Why?
I invite you to hear my story and see if it resonates with something that is familiar to you, both as a story of a painful situation and the habit that comes right there as a way of “dealing” with it. Before I can even ask myself how it is—I react!! The experience itself has been denied and I have moved on to that part of me that is essentially reactive!
My story of This Hurts may open up new possibilities that offer something else for you to ponder. Please make room for what comes in you and mark it and maybe even share that.
I’m envisioning a Daily Practice in Wholebody Focusing:to embody and sustain that sense of Me-Here as a body-sense of my Self as the foundation place—an Inner-Directed Experience of who I am and what I want to do.
Over the years, it has become clear to me that we seem to desire to start with an Intunement, to begin to have a fresh sense of ourselves as a Wholebody Focusing experience—to get in touch with what might be there in us right now.
How am I? What is going on right now? How can I make room for that? –that kind of attention. We seem to need some kind of solid grounding, something that we can hold onto, to allow those kinds of questions to emerge.
We usually start with some form of an Intunement to find that place in us that awakens what naturally wants to come alive and to inform us about ourselves and what is happening when it feels safe enough to do so!
It works when we can do this, and a sense of gratitude often follows when we spend time with ourselves in this way. It also initiates a relationship—it is not just a thought, it is an experience of me and something out there, a not-me, that together awakens a sense of feeling alive to myself beyond stuck-me!Continue reading Beginning a Wholebody Focusing Practice
I would like to do something new, something that speaks from my direct experience of something that is coming to me that I would like to share with you. I would like to begin by saying a few things about what I would like to share and if you are interested in exploring this topic, you can click on the audio recording to hear my direct experience of this particular subject matter that may be of interest to both of us.
The phrase in this session that has triggered something more for me comes to me in this way: “It is what it is.”
This kind of saying has been repeating itself over and over again and maybe it will get some attention because obviously it seems important for me to hear it. And, of course, I have a question: what does this phrase, “It is what it is” mean to me? And perhaps what does this phrase “It is what it is” mean for you.
It is my belief–or trust–that if I speak directly from my experience as something felt, rather than just understood, you may feel a connection between us that feels different and perhaps a little unusual. Particularly if you resist trying to understand what is being said but just feel it or just “take it in”! What I have been exploring is that when we share something meaningful, that feels real and true and alive in me, something can happen in you too! Often the energy in that way of sharing is palpable.
In focusing terminology, you might describe this as a felt sense to felt sense connecting in a heartfelt way. Something in me that feels alive in me awakens something in you that feels alive and may touch you. It is clearly an inner experience of yourself because of this connection happening between us. This is the kind of sharing I would like to explore with you and see if what is being shared on this topic resonates with something in you as well.
The phrase, “it is what it is” perhaps is very familiar. It’s a phrase, a series of words. But I would like to pause and let those words be felt inside me, deliberately pausing and stepping back a little so that these words have the space they need to awaken to their own sense of themselves as though they can have a life of their own.
It begins with a thought, but if I step back a little and come back to that place in me that has a sense of “me here” something more can awaken and perhaps take on a life of its own beyond thought; become more, an “experience” that I feel inside me suddenly. This is what I want to demonstrate today. I will start by just saying these words, “it is what it is,” and then wait and see what comes inside me physically—physically connecting to these words.
If you are still curious, please continue and click on the audio and join me here. See what comes—or I should say—notice what comes in me and then maybe in you, that resonates mutually each in our own ways.
Yes, maybe make room for what feels like a surprise or unexpected and yet very connected to your own life, separate from mine. And mark that. Mark what came as something that is wants to be noticed in you, in your life, and maybe share that with others in some way.
Over several days, even weeks, I have listened to this generous Intunement. Each time something more has opened as if I listened on the first floor of a building and saw what was there and then the second and then the third and fourth taking in the new sights and sounds and developments. I wonder what more might come?
In this intunement Kevin offers us the sense of these words, “I want to invite This: that life in you, being now felt in me.” In beginning here I’ve gone straight to the heart of the matter he offers. As you listen, Kevin comes to this in steps and “recognitions” that open doors for me, for you. I am delighted and intrigued by the mystery of the words I and You as Kevin explores them and You and I listen and mutually participate in the felt sense of the Life in You and the Life in Me.
There is the Invitation and the what-happens-in-me-and-in-you with this Invitation. I notice the resonance, the essential Heartfelt Connection, alive in Kevin, alive in Me, alive in You. Nothing we have to do but just now it comes to me that I/We Can Claim something essential.
And then he adds something: “…to receive information about me from a place that’s actually larger than I think myself to be.
Right away, I hear something within. It’s so loving. It’s addressing me, telling me something. I know right away that I will not share it here in this preamble. I won’t risk it.
Then my throat tightens and is a bit painful, knowing that I have something I won’t share with others. I’ve decided I can’t tell someone else what I heard from a place that’s larger than I think myself to be. Even though what I heard was totally loving.
Then I hear Kevin say: “….let that be felt, that sense of desire to know, who I am….and step back…”
There’s a billowing out in my body. A sharp pain in my right shoulder. I sit back and ask the question again, and something in my throat tightens again. Tears come, that don’t express one emotion but a cloud of emotion.
And now I change my mind: I’ll tell you one part of what came—it answered that I am beloved.
How do you usually connect with your inner places as you begin a WBF session? Is there a question or questions that you ask inwardly to stimulate the process? Or do you often just wait, making space inwardly as you ground, and allow whatever wants to come to show itself to you in its own way and time?
In this blog entry, Kevin shares an intunement statement that Gene Gendlin offered him in one of his very first focusing sessions. It was offered by Gene in a somewhat tongue-in-cheek and humorous way, as a means of helping Kevin and his inner places connect. Listen to this latest offering from Kevin and see how this statement feels to you and your inner places.
It feels in me that this intunement isn’t only about how we might squeeze our eyes—for me it touches into the ways I squeeze mySelf in order to do whatever I “must” do. Alters Me. Compromises Me.
This intunement reminds me that through WBF and Heartfelt Connections I’ve been able to find Me—this Me is able to see more because there is more of Me to hold her, more of Me allowing more to emerge.
And all of this brings me to be able to ask: how do I squeeze mySelf in order to take in what I think is around me? Can I hold that question at the same time I hold your understanding that my own brain-confusion “is not of my own doing”?
Or is it?!!!? Can I hold that question too?
Maybe in this moment I can say: I am embodied, therefore I am. And this embodiment, with the richness of its seeing/vision, is the
“I Am-ness” of me.