Gravity is Unconditional Love

Keep  noticing Gravity and what shows up. The act of recognizing grounding to Gravity as an energetic bond will strengthen our energetic connection to ourselves and support a sense of being loved in any form of bodywork we do. 

 

Gravity is unconditional love. I learned to understand this in a drumming workshop many years ago. The presenter was a beautiful woman named Aida, and we drummed all day and throughout the evening. Our energy levels were high from the vibrations of the drums, tambourines, and cymbals. All worldly concerns disappeared, and we didn’t want the experience to end. However, what stands out most for me most is what the presenter taught us: “Gravity is unconditional love.”

Aida explained that Gravity holds all things to the Earth without prejudice or judgment for prophets or sinners alike. Therefore, when anyone needs to feel grounded or is looking to feel loved, we only need to sense how Gravity feels in our bodies. So, what does it feel like to connect to Gravity?

Gravity, Love and Silence 

I traveled to Flaming Gorge, Utah, to one of the least populated places in the United States. Being from the east coast of the US, I have always lived in highly populated areas. Noise, pollution, and the vibrations from all the motors that run the systems we use to support such large populations; they  are the background of our lives, and we seldom notice them. 

Being in Utah gave me a chance to reset my awareness. Once my friends and I got to Flaming Gorge, they chose to hike. I decided to sit alone in an open space on a high cliff overlooking the river gorge. I suddenly became aware of the intense silence. There was no car, airplane, or boat traffic. I didn’t hear any sounds of motors. The lack of human presence eliminated speaking and breathing sounds. Nothing was present that usually would fill my environment with noise.  

Gravity, Silence and Me

As I sat on a rock and relaxed into the what seemed like complete silence, I began to hear my heartbeat. For some time I held space for this new experience marveling at the sound of me. Who knew that I had a discernible  sound? Eventually, I noticed other sounds like a pattern as if  someone  was walking on gravel but not so loud. It sounded like tiny feet crunching on dirt. It wouldn’t go away. I started to look for what might be making this sound. At my feet, I found an army of ants walking in a line in rhythm across the sand. The sound matched perfectly with their movement. 

I had never thought that ants walking could make any sound. I realized that I do not hear or perceive certain sounds because other sounds typically drown them out. This experience was the first time I had a chance to listen to things unrelated to humans. I then started hearing flying bugs from a long distance. It was like an army of insects (of which I have a life-long fear) had decided to show up for me. I wasn’t afraid; I was amazed that I was missing so much of the world because I mostly live in a noisy place.

Gravity, Love and Wholebody Focusing

A few years later, when I began learning Wholebody Focusing, I remembered this experience, and it helped me learn to ground. Many energetic practices ask us to “ground” ourselves before starting a meditation or other techniques that help us connect to our bodies. So the first thing a Wholebody trainer might say is, “notice your feet and include your buttocks if you are sitting or your whole body if you are lying down.” Some people understand this as a metaphor for relaxing or letting go of whatever is in your consciousness. However, what would it feel like if it were not a metaphor? 

What if we focused our attention on how our feet, buttocks, or whole bodies feel the connection to Gravity–the Earth’s primary energy. All we need to do is to shift our attention to where our bodies touch the ground and wait to notice what that sensation entails. Sometimes the area becomes energized, and sometimes we can feel energy outside the part of our body to which we are sending your attention.  We shift our attention to a part of the body connected to the Earth and let go of the noise, thoughts and other stimuli. It will give us the ability to consciously connect to the Gravity of the Earth’s energy.    

It may, at first, seem indiscernible, but with a bit of patience and willingness to hold our attention to our connection to the Earth,  a bodily sensation will emerge. 

 Sensing Gravity’s Love

Whatever does arise, recognize it, thank it for showing itself. We have newly connected to the most potent source of unconditional love. This energy has been with us from inception and will stay with us throughout our lives. It provides us with the stability to move and function that we may be taking for granted or not noticing.  

Recognizing Gravity as an energy force will give us a greater sense of its constancy, inability to use judgement to determine its actions , and how you share this bond with all sentient beings and other objects. Gravity can also reinforce the sense of being loved within ourselves, especially if we are not generally in touch with the love that surrounds us. It is energetic love, not emotional love. Energetic love functions without requirements. Emotional love often comes with limits.  The greater the connection we create, the more we will begin to notice and trust the energetic forces that are our birthright and constant support. We are a part of a collective force that creates our reality.

Gravity as an Energetic Force

What we are doing is giving ourselves a chance to appreciate how nothing will get between us and the Earth no matter how hard we try. Gravity is always holding us, even in airplanes. So the first time we try connecting to Gravity, set goals aside and just experience what happens.  

We can always take a few minutes out of our day to reconnect our body to the Earth. For example, sitting at a desk, reconnect to the floor below you. Standing at a bus stop,we connect feet to the ground below. Keep  noticing how Gravity shows up . The act of recognizing grounding to Gravity as an energetic bond will strengthen our energetic connection to ourselves in any form of bodywork you do. 

Gravity: Accepting Life Itself Unconditionally

Photo Credit: Ellie Brady Flaming Gorge 2018

Speaking Directly from a Felt Sense

Kevin McEvenue continues to to explore new edges of Wholebody Focusing. This intunement is a exploration of finding the connection to a part of his body and sensing the felt sense of the moment—who he is in this moment and what does he need to know about this particular moment or “who am I now?”

Addy van derKooy and Kevin McEvenue have created videos to watch regarding finding one’s way to a felt sense. Please take advantage of these wonderful resources.

 

Take some time to explore the Trainers’ Corner.

Will You Rest with Me?

 

WILL YOU REST WITH ME?

An invitation to Heartfelt Listening

The sound of our words fills my ears

and evokes thoughts and images in the space between.

But what is there in the space between our hearts

when the sound of our words fades into silence?

When the well of words dries up?

Would you like to sit with me

here at the doorstep of this moment,

and simply let the silence

fill the space between our hearts?

Would you like to let this silence speak

and let its sound become stronger than the sound of our words?

Will you rest here with me?

In this vast silent space of simply not knowing.

Where we can hear our hearts

beating the pulse of a Life

that also lives in distant stars

and foreign skies.

Addie Van Der Kooy, 11th November 2025

photo credit Direct Encounter.

The Release of Suffering: Observer Effect

The stories connect to the Observer Effect in some way. They are also connected to being able to trust that there is some knowledge beyond our thoughts that can guide us if we let it.

Photo Credit:  Marty Correia, Kate Sitting with Rothko

In physics, the Observer Effect is the idea that the mere act of observing a phenomenon inevitably changes it.

The Observer Effect

I am not a scientist, and I will take the words above for face value while letting you know that scientists and mathematicians have observed, documented, and proven this concept to be true. The combination of the Observer Effect and the belief that our bodies know what they need to heal can help us find our authentic selves. The stories below are connected to the Observer Effect in some way. They are also connected to trusting that there is knowledge beyond our thoughts that can guide us if we let it.

Searching for Peace Amidst the Spiritual Energy of the Holocaust

I recently read a book by Ellen Korman Mains, Buried Rivers: A Spiritual Journey into the Holocaust. It is an excellent book in which Ellen recounts her journeys to Europe to connect with the residual energies of the Holocaust.  Ellen sensed them while traveling on a train in Germany. She felt these energies as a combination of grief, revulsion, and much more. Ellen eventually made finding a way of relating to these energies her life’s work and has written this book to describe her journey.

What Ellen found when she came in contact with these unresolved energies or spirits was that she eventually was able to hold space for them by dropping the habitual tendencies to judge them (thereby fearing or rejecting them) or to identify with them (thus feeling shame). As she learned to hold space for them in this neutral way, a natural state of compassion emerged.

From Observation, Grief, to Compassion

As Ellen held space for them, they also held space for her own healing. The process that both she and the suffering spirits shared provided mutual benefit. Because of her capacity to observe and sense energies that others might not recognize, she was able to hold a space of compassionate presence for them. With her support, these spirits were able to experience their own capacity to heal. At the same time, her connection to the Holocaust, as the daughter of an Auschwitz survivor, also improved.

In doing this work, Ellen was supported in her lifelong quest to live deeply in the present. Her Buddhism and Focusing practices helped her find basic goodness even in the aftermath of the Holocaust by observing and accepting exactly what was already there. This helped her bring an attitude of steady, quiet attention and open curiosity. In the end, she found she could heal herself while helping others by holding space for what was there, allowing the energies she encountered to be witnessed, and giving them the time and space they needed to heal.

Ellen continues this work by sharing her book with audiences around the world.

Kate and Mark Rothko Observing His Space Together

A friend, Kate, told me about an experience at the Whitney Museum in New York City. She was interested in having a more meditative experience in the museum rather than walking by one painting after another. She asked the staff to provide her with a small stool that some museums offer patrons. The stool gave her a chance to sit and be with a painting or other art object.

As Kate walked around the museum, she found a painting that called to her. It was Mark Rothko’s Four Darks in Red. Continue reading “The Release of Suffering: Observer Effect”

Heartfelt Loving Beyond Expectation

The first law of spiritual energy: energy follows attention! In other words, wherever I focus my attention, the energy in my body, mind, and spirit follows. It is as simple as that!

The power of heartfelt loving is beyond any expectation we can imagine. It is the essence of the practice of Heartfelt Connection in Wholebody Focusing as we know it.

HeartFelt Loving

I start by inviting a connection between me, a part of me, a part of something outside myself, and especially a sense of you over there as I hold the whole of that in my consciousness. I pause, to just notice what is there, and accept what comes beyond what I might expect.

This feels proactive in some way—like an opportunity to notice that seems to want my attention, and to do so. Often something totally unexpected or even uninvited appears out of the blue! It is an opportunity to turn my attention towards something there with an open heart and wait there. I just notice…that is all…and allow a felt sense to emerge…as though it seems to notice itself and notice me too…with mutual affection.

Beyond Expectation

Something very powerful seems to be present at the same time; something not of my own making. I can feel it there and it feels powerful. If I am able to hold a space for such an experience, something more begins to happen. Something happening that couldn’t happen without this kind of heartfelt participation!

We could call this the first law of spiritual energy: energy follows attention! In other words, wherever I focus my attention, the energy in my body, mind, and spirit follows. It is as simple as that!

In this blog, I offer two concrete examples of situations where Heartfelt Presence is activated; first, my own experience happening now, and next an event that happened 25 years ago to a man who suffered a very debilitating crisis called carpal syndrome. (See a previous blog entitled: When Love Pays Attention to a Deep Wound.) Today I fill in the empty pieces that unfolded over all these many years and updated that event with some very surprising results.

These two ‘happenings’ speak for themselves. What more can I say except to appreciate the power explored in Participatory Spirituality in this series.

 

Raw Desire Awakens to the Power of Choice

You can connect to one’s raw desire which awakens your power to hold space with equal positive regard to the wanting and not wanting to acknowledge the desire.

I can feel it in my body that I want to say something; it is like an energy—the energy of desire wanting to say something. At the same time, I am aware I don’t know the nature of that desire; it feels like a raw energy. That immediately brings an almost equal response of resistance that seems to say, “I can’t” or maybe, “I won’t!”

Power

It also feels like I have been here before, possibly in the Intunement Series describing the steps of Wholebody Focusing. I can hear myself saying “I know this place; I know that step.” Thinking—as I pause—it is about holding both with equal positive regard, all about wanting and not wanting.

But this is a different experience; similar—but not the same. What is familiar is the ability to describe this step as a WholeBody focusing experience. What is different is that I am fully immersed in this activity. A desire standing alone on its own power without specific content. I am also aware of the resistance—the mustn’t!—but without the familiar intensity. I am full of desire and at the same time I don’t know! They seem to come from very different places in me.

Raw Desire Awakens Power

Here I choose to pause and stay with the desire. I make room for whatever comes directly out of that power: desire! I wait for more to come from that core sense of wanting and desiring. Raw desire feels neutral at first, but as my awareness connects with the desire, something more happens between us that is rich and surprising.

They feel almost independent of one another, enough to be able to say “hi!” The whole bodily experience seems to expand the whole of me that actually feels palpable! Yes, there is an engagement happening that is remarkably palpable! A feeling of mutual connection with one another that feels not only mutual, but also fulfilling—with appreciation and respect. It is happening and it is good and we know it.

These are movements of active participation with one another, powerful forces activated by this connection. It is for me to just hold the space!

I invite you to share with me what comes; starting with desire, the resistance and the not-knowing. Notice how more seems to be activated and stimulated by this raw energy as we pause and wait with an attitude of curious wondering!

Other writings by Kevin McEvenue

Carnac Stones, Brittany, France.  Photo Credit: Kevin McEvenue

A Pearl of Wisdom

“Every bad feeling is potential energy toward a more right way of being if you give it space to move toward its rightness…”.

Addie Van Der KooyHave you ever wondered how something as precious as a pearl is created? It starts with something gritty, like a grain of sand or a parasite, entering the soft, sensitive tissues of the oyster. To deal with the discomfort of this ‘irritant’, the oyster generates a natural substance (aragonite) which it normally uses to produce and maintain its hard and shiny shell. It is this substance that the oyster then coats over the irritant to protect itself from the discomfort. And thus a pearl is formed…

To me there is such a profound analogy here. Sometimes life can get a bit gritty and I may get “triggered” by an “irritant”, i.e. someone or a situation that is getting under my sensitive skin. What I hear the oyster is saying here to me, is that instead of reacting adversely to the irritation and upset that it has triggered inside me, I can bring my own “aragonite” into the equation – an embodied sense of the ground and aliveness of “Me Here”, which then can be felt beside or around the inner disturbance.

Of course, every analogy breaks down somewhere and the oyster analogy cracks its shell here: unlike the oyster coating over the irritant with its aragonite, so it doesn’t have to feel the gritty discomfort anymore, there is no smoothing over of what has been triggered in me, as that wouldn’t be Focusing. Instead, I can let both the physically felt sense of “all that about being triggered” and the embodied sense of ‘Me Here’ be there “with equal positive regard” and kindly and curiously listen to what wants to happen.

That may initially feel strange and somewhat counter intuitive, but it does make inner space for the energy of the triggered turbulence to move forward towards “its rightness”, as Gendlin would describe it in his well-known quote: “Every bad feeling is potential energy toward a more right way of being if you give it space to move toward its rightness…”.

And as it moves forward, I often feel the energy pent up in the inner disturbance begin to unwind, release and re-align with the aliveness of “Being Here” in this moment. I feel more alive and present, more Here and Now. And in this alchemical way, Presence deepens and grows in me. What was stirred up in me by the grit of Life, has now been transformed into a pearl of Presence.

It feels freeing to realise that each time I am “triggered”, there is an opportunity here to let the pearl of the Presence that I am grow stronger. Life is becoming a win-win experience!

From this perspective, every gritty moment in my life is grist to the mill for everdeepening Presence. Those people or situations, those “irritants” that trigger me, do not need to be my enemies or antagonists; instead, I can allow them to be my teachers of Presence!

Addie Van Der Kooy, 30th August 2025

Holding Our Strengths and “Little Monsters” with Equal Regard

Diana and Ellen discuss how both spirituality and focusing live in their bodies and how they support their struggles with the “Little Monsters” with a sense of befriending what’s there by holding both with equal regard.

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Illustration of a Neanderthal Woman:  John Sibbick (with permission from the artist)

Ellen Korman Mains came up with “Holding Our Strengths and “Little Monsters”  as she reflected on her week. It included how she’d been relating with a disturbing part of herself. Diana Scalera and Ellen talked about being with difficult experiences of ourselves. We focused on how we were   helped by our spiritual and focusing practices.

Holding our Strengths

Diana Scalera went to Catholic school until the 8th grade. She   gave up on Catholicism and religion in general. Her experiences were  mosty  demeaning retoric,  punishments. Not until she began focusing did she find a onnection to  spirit. In one of her first sessions with Kevin McEvenue, a Neanderthal woman became present in her body. She was there to support Diana in a situation in which she felt weak and powerless. She experienced the strength in these bones and how the Neanderthal woman was offering them  to guide her and make her strong. From then on, From that point on, Diana let go of a traditional idea of spirituality and became open to her innate connection to helpful spirits. Neanderthals

Ellen Korman Mains grew up in a hom with Holocaust survivors where ties to previous generations seemed cut entirely. At 19, she met a Tibetan Buddhist teacher who emphasized trusting direct experience over dogma or wishful thinking, and this began her spiritual journey.

Holding our “Little Monsters…”

Twenty years later, illness and energy work broadened her sense of connection to the invisible world and to the “larger system” that Gene Gendlin refers. Later, traveling to Poland to embrace her family’s past led to extraordinary openings described in her book Buried Rivers: A Spiritual Journey into the Holocaust, as ancestors began showing up to support her. Since 2011, Focusing and meditation have been important venues for trusting her direction and spiritual connection and helping others trust theirs.

How does WBF Help?

In the video below, Diana and Ellen discuss how spirituality and Focusing live in their bodies. Through the years, spiritual experiences show up to support their struggles with the “Little Monsters” by offering their strength and a sense of a sense of being  befriended to   hold both the “monsters” and our strength equally.

Thank you to John Sibbick for allowing us to use his wonderful drawing of a Neanderthal woman. https://www.amusingplanet.com/2016/05/the-altamura-man.html

Finding our way

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