Painting; Riverdale Park in Cabbagetown by Kevin McEvenue
Elizabeth this a response to “It Is for This.” It is the power of her voice, the tone of the sound that is so healing to my soul. My body instantly awakens to her tone of voice even before the words are felt.
I am just allowing Elizabeth’s prayer to be heard and to be felt inside of me. And the words that seem to awaken something deeper in me is this expression that she keeps repeating: it is for this. It is for this. It is for this.
And each time I hear that repetition, it touches me even more deeply because I know that sound. I can feel that sound and I can feel me.
That is what Elizabeth has awakened in me too—that sense of me that knows who I am. What I am.
And I love the feel of it. I love being awakened when I hear someone else is there too. It gives me a sense of myself that feels totally satisfying. It is a feeling of love.
I am Love.
I live love in my body as a whole.
It is me.
This is who I am.
Something more came for me listening to Elizabeth saying what was there for her and how deeply that awakened something in myself about me. It is as though her sound, her voice, her expression, awakened a sense of myself from inside–like awakening a tuning fork of who I am.
Who I really am, resonating with the sense of who she is–who she really is. That sense of divine love in her and a sense of loving in me.
And I felt so appreciative that she did this. That she spoke this. That she shared her prayer with me. It enabled me to find myself. And also a sense of appreciation that seemed to follow naturally. I am so glad you are there in my life. A thank-you kind of appreciation.
And then there was a slight pause….. a kind of not knowing of where my body would want to go with this next…this feeling inside of me that seemed to be expanding in some way that felt unfamiliar. I was becoming more somehow–maybe more me?
But something else as well. And I felt curious about that because it was happening in parts of me that felt new–like an expression of expansion in my forebrain. Feeling the resistance to that and then a wondering what that was and what it could be and how that was for me.
And then there is a sense of sadness. She’s not me. There’s me and then there’s you. And I really don’t know how to hold both. I know me and I can feel me but I don’t know you. And there’s something missing here and I didn’t know how to cross that. And it felt sad and a little lonely…and curious… like there is a wanting in me that I didn’t know how to meet.
So I just let that be there for a minute or two. Feeling her and then the feeling me, feeling the not-knowing of how to be with the situation.
But something more came in me in the sense of something seemed to be expanding me in a way that I did not understand. And I wondered what that was about. I have a sense of me and I have a sense of you. I know me, I don’t know you, and yet my body is expanding in some way that seemed to have more space inside of me for me and–perhaps–for you.
That was the awakening: perhaps for you, too. And then something in me said that’s enough! That’s all I need to do—holding a sense of me and being aware of a sense of you. And you’re different!
It’s like another world. And of course I don’t know how to be in that world! It’s your world. But I don’t have to be. Is it enough–just to hold the both of us together?
And perhaps that is what “WE” is all about. Maybe that is the experience of “WE.” And that felt right. And it felt sufficient. And satisfying. And also a curiosity of what would come from that? Together, what more might come because we are together in this way, the two of us…and the not-knowing.